April 29, 2012

My Father...My Son..

I remember the day you were born
so tiny, with perfect features, all fingers
intact, your tiny bud mouth open in a wail,
your eyes lost in the fierceness  of
your cry, waving your little fists in anger..
ready to take on the world…

I remember the feel of your little body
as it was placed in my rough hands
and the fierce sense of protectiveness
I suddenly felt for you, as you stopped
crying and stared into my face..the feeling
and responsibility of being your father…

I remember you learning to walk, holding
on to my fingers, your first birthday, your first
haircut, your first fall, the skinned knee
your magical smile, as I kissed it better..
the way you simply let go as you jumped into
my arms, trusting me to hold you…

I remember your first day at school, crying
to see me go, feeling I had abandoned you..
the bouts of fever which scared me, the sleepless
nights, your calling out for me in dreamy fright…
your unquestioning faith in me to put things right
your little hand in mine always pulling me on…

I remember how grown up you felt when
I let you go out on your own, when you dressed up
without help for the first time, when you learnt to
ride the bicycle, when you started deciding what
you want to wear, or what you want to eat…
making decisions as a part of growing up….

I remember all the various ‘firsts’ of your life
as they made you into an individual, slowly
taking your steps away from me…moving
into a different world, where I may not always
be around to put things right or kiss hurts away..
yet feeling fulfilled that I did the best I could do…

I remember the feeling of emptiness as you
left home in the pursuit of your dreams…
Now you are a father, you feel my pain and
understand all that I went through with you…
holding my gnarled fingers as I struggle to walk
You become my father, and I your son….

April 22, 2012

I Miss You..

I miss you most
not when you are absent
or far away…

But when you sit next to me
a thousand miles apart...
cloaked in silence, remote
and distant, aloof and detached
shutting me out of your thoughts…
pushing me away, as you
retreat into a world, where
there’s no place for me…
leaving me alone...putting up
an invisible wall somewhere
between us….too high to scale
and thick with the strain
of pent up emotions…
feelings unspoken...

As I sit miserable and lonely,
Wishing I could say the words..
longing to be said….

April 15, 2012

You and I

You are part of the sky
I am of the earth

You sail the heavens
I coast the waters

You belong to the night
I am a being of the day

You light up the dark
I bask in your glow

You move with a purpose
I drift with the current

You go about on your own
I need to have direction

You are surrounded by stars
I am grounded by reeds

You are not afraid of clouds
I am at the mercy of waves

You control the tides
I am dependent on them

You make your presence felt
I am not noticeable

You are universally needed
I am dispensable

You are beyond reach
I have to be available

You are the object of dreams
I am part of the scenery

You seem  unreal, a fantasy
I belong to reality

You can change moods
I am not allowed to

You wax and wane
I cannot afford to

You are one of a kind
I am ordinarily common

You are admired, adored
I am taken for granted

You look down and see the world
I look up and see only you

You are the gorgeous moon
I am just a dilapidated boat…..

April 15

hidden somewhere
in the folds of words
unspoken feelings

April 14

bending under
the weight of pretence
your words

April 13

smiling at me
your upturned face
my golden sunshine

April 12

into sunshine
from the shadows
you by my side

April 11

deep grooves
left by memories
years flashing by


unfurling myself
to your fragrant passion
first love

April 9

constant companions
in an empty house
no longer alone

April 8

dreams unfolding
from the shadows
morning light

April 8, 2012

April 7

for the stars..
unwanted moon

April 6


eyes tightly closed
against the afternoon light
slumbering dreams

April 5

caught in a
heavenly spotlight
rustling sentinels

April 4

lazy afternoon
thorns of your silence
piercing my words

April 3

morning light
reluctant to let go
of shadow dreams

April 2

bridal finery
stars in her eyes
white blossoms

April 1

defining reality
in black and white
afternoon light

April 1, 2012

Ruminations of a mother

My child…there’s so much
I want to say to the little time
left to us...You are growing up so fast
and soon you will leave behind
your childhood…and me…

Life is very much like this path
we are walking on now…full of
shadowy fears alternating with
sunshine breaking through…
Thundershowers and rainbows…

So many trails meandering..
meeting and crisscrossing your path
bewildering and tempting… before
turning away again….as you follow your
destiny and spread your wings…

I wish I could promise that I’d always
be there to walk with you…but
your path is yours alone and you are
on your own…no matter who comes
with you part of the way…

I wish I could protect you from
all the hurts you are going to receive
from this world…but you have to
take them on, bear them and let go..
growing in spirit…and becoming stronger..

You will make mistakes, regret some choices
but learn from them and move on…
leaving the past behind…learning to forgive
without holding on to bitterness…
or anger….to poison your mind…..

I wish I could say ‘live like this..or that..’
but life has no set rules, they keep
changing, as you define your priorities,
your passions….as you chase your dreams
and listen to your heart…

Your happiness is in your hands
don’t wait for anyone to come and
give it to you….create it from within
by being true to yourself and giving
all you have to each moment….

I could go on and on like this….
but you will learn more as life
starts teaching you…there will be times
when you will feel afraid and alone..
just hold on…as nothing will last…

Whatever happens, good or bad..
take it in your stride with a smile,
walk tall with your head held high…
hug your dreams, give them your colours
and never, ever give up…on yourself…  

picture courtesy:

March 31

pink blossoms
the toothless delight
of a baby's smile

March 30

in veined hands
life in amber